aprilstarchild | (no subject)

So I was giving some thought today, to the kind of people I like to date.

I wrote this long list once, during the summer of '04, of things I wanted out of someone I date. Much of the list is still stuff I'd like to have in a partner...but it's not the same anymore.

I've realized that I could, in a way, distill a lot of what I'm looking for, down to a few ideas that are interrelated:

I look for people are interested in life. They need to see life as a smorgasboard of experiences--there are so many interesting and exciting things to do and see in the world. Hell, even if you don't travel, you are constantly surrounded by interesting ideas and things and people. There are so many kinds of music, so many books, so many movies!! There are places to go, things to experience. There are SCA events and book readings and zine symposiums. There are long walks around Portland on a rainy day, there are afternoons splashing in the ocean.

I look for people who get excited about things. Which is kind of a corallary of the first one. I mean, I like it when people have geeky interests. I like when people have lots of interests. They don't all have to match up to mine--the idea that I could ever find someone whose interests completely match mine is insane. I just love too many things. But, lordy, I want someone who gets excited about stuff! I want someone who finds out that, say, their favorite book is being made into a movie, or their favorite musician/band is coming to town, something like that--and they get all excited. Maybe they make an LJ post about it. Maybe they call me up and tell me about it. Maybe they jump up and down. I don't care.

I look for a sense of open-ness. This one is harder to peg down in language, for me. But many of my favorite people just have this open feeling towards other people and the world. They don't really have false selves (acting different in different situations is not the same thing as being false, btw). They are who they are. I find this to be rather common among people with ADD. I consider it one of the positive traits that comes with it.

You are born with a brain and a body. Use them. It can be really satisfying to have long discussions about ideas, or learn new things. It can also be satisfying to walk somewhere or dance all night or hike up a hill. They gotta be able to enjoy both their brains and their bodies. Otherwise, they just won't be able to keep up with me very well. *lol*

Be passionate. Yet another that basically says the same thing another way. There should be a few things in this world you honestly care about. I don't mind if you're a tad cynical. Just, for the love of gods, I can't stand complete apathy, or being cynical to the point of not really caring. Care about something, dammit.

Also, in regards to passion: Sex should be fun. Too many people, I've discovered, get completely disconnected during sex (and I'm not talking about that glassy- or closed-eyes concentration thing lots of people do before they orgasm). With some people, it's like they're not even there. Be there, dammit. Be okay with talking about what's going on, in some form or another, whether during or before. Be okay with me looking you in the eyes or touching your face. Also, foreplay is called "play" for a reason. It's okay to be playful during sexual activity. Even during semi-kinky sexual activity. Even outright angsty semi-violent stuff (safe, sane, and consensual; blah blah blah) is its own kind of play. Sex tends to be where a lot of our shadow selves run riot, and it's okay to acknowledge that.

There's also just plain'ol chemistry. I love that zing when you look someone in the eyes or touch them and there's that connection, that click. It's hard to find. I've been with how many people? --and felt that with only a handful. But, when it's there, boy howdy. *shiver* Unfortunately, on its own it doesn't actually denote a good compatibility. Dang.

There's other stuff, smaller but also important. For instance, I have to like the way they smell. They need to be able to get along with my friends. That sort of thing. But, man, I'm tired. I'm going to bed soon. *whew*