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Aug. 11th, 2005 10:51 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
aprilstarchildNote to self: using citrus-flavored fizzy water, instead of 7up; with citrus vodka, is freaking nasty.
I may amend the juice thing to include tequila sunrises. Indulging once a week in something sweet won't kill me, especially if I don't immediately eat something sugary the next morning. Woot.
There was something else I was meaning to say. Goshdarnit. It was the whole reason I decided to post again and I've forgotten.
THE PRAYER BY THOMAS MERTON
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact
that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you. And I hope I have
that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart
from that desire. And I know that if I do
this you will lead me by the right road
though I may seem to be lost and in the
shadow of death. I will not fear, for you
will never leave me to face my perils alone.
From Thoughts in Solitude
I've always pictured myself as walking on a path that is my life, and every now and then an invisible hand pulls me along in a specific direction (the few times it has happened, it's been scary but powerful and awesome). But I mostly wander blindly, not really knowing where I'm going and just hoping for the best. I see that hand as female, and when talking specifically to the Divine, I still see that hand as female.
One definite time, was the first time I visited the road blockade at Eagle Creek, as part of a caravan from Portland. Tyson and I went up there to visit and deliver supplies. I felt this odd sensation I can't explain, like I was meant to be there. A few weeks later I dropped a note off at their office telling them I wanted to help, and it was like Someone had grabbed a big steering wheel in my head and yanked it this way.
Another one was right around when I started going to my church. Little things just kept popping up to tell me I was exactly where I needed to be. One of them being, I went to a day-long thing there, only a few weeks after I'd started going to church. The person leading it was the boyfriend of a member. Turns out he'd spent a lot of time involved with the original Reclaiming cell in San Fransisco, and had taken classes etc from Starhawk. o_0
One of them was very recently. I was mildly panicked about the fact that I have no idea where I'm going with my life, I can never decide anything. I was at church staying over for the night for Family Bridge, and wandered up to the bookshelf. A book caught my eye, I opened it up, and right there on the page, "Don't be afraid." Of course I borrowed the book. It's called Expecting Adam, and it's about a woman who works/goes to school at Harvard, and finds herself pregnant with a Down's Syndrome kid, and suddenly she's getting angel-type beings helping her, and it freaks her out because she's not religious at all. Really freaking awesome book.
Real Live Preacher has a chat room now. I'm doomed. I'm also talking to an American lady living in Germany.
Found the prayer above as part of an essay linked from Real Live Preacher.
I may amend the juice thing to include tequila sunrises. Indulging once a week in something sweet won't kill me, especially if I don't immediately eat something sugary the next morning. Woot.
There was something else I was meaning to say. Goshdarnit. It was the whole reason I decided to post again and I've forgotten.
THE PRAYER BY THOMAS MERTON
My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact
that I think that I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you. And I hope I have
that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart
from that desire. And I know that if I do
this you will lead me by the right road
though I may seem to be lost and in the
shadow of death. I will not fear, for you
will never leave me to face my perils alone.
From Thoughts in Solitude
I've always pictured myself as walking on a path that is my life, and every now and then an invisible hand pulls me along in a specific direction (the few times it has happened, it's been scary but powerful and awesome). But I mostly wander blindly, not really knowing where I'm going and just hoping for the best. I see that hand as female, and when talking specifically to the Divine, I still see that hand as female.
One definite time, was the first time I visited the road blockade at Eagle Creek, as part of a caravan from Portland. Tyson and I went up there to visit and deliver supplies. I felt this odd sensation I can't explain, like I was meant to be there. A few weeks later I dropped a note off at their office telling them I wanted to help, and it was like Someone had grabbed a big steering wheel in my head and yanked it this way.
Another one was right around when I started going to my church. Little things just kept popping up to tell me I was exactly where I needed to be. One of them being, I went to a day-long thing there, only a few weeks after I'd started going to church. The person leading it was the boyfriend of a member. Turns out he'd spent a lot of time involved with the original Reclaiming cell in San Fransisco, and had taken classes etc from Starhawk. o_0
One of them was very recently. I was mildly panicked about the fact that I have no idea where I'm going with my life, I can never decide anything. I was at church staying over for the night for Family Bridge, and wandered up to the bookshelf. A book caught my eye, I opened it up, and right there on the page, "Don't be afraid." Of course I borrowed the book. It's called Expecting Adam, and it's about a woman who works/goes to school at Harvard, and finds herself pregnant with a Down's Syndrome kid, and suddenly she's getting angel-type beings helping her, and it freaks her out because she's not religious at all. Really freaking awesome book.
Real Live Preacher has a chat room now. I'm doomed. I'm also talking to an American lady living in Germany.
Found the prayer above as part of an essay linked from Real Live Preacher.
