Jun. 29th, 2010

aprilstarchild: (cranky vegan asshole)
I hate admitting this, but:

There are a lot of days I feel awful. Today (after I got a piece of mail that insists I owe over a thousand dollars in back taxes from 2003) I got so anxious that I started doing that kind of crying where you're hyperventilating. I called up the social services line and got a long-ass list of sliding-scale counseling services (how I'm even going to afford that, I have no idea) and then called up the local crisis line so someone could calm me down. Most of the stuff he told me, was things I already knew (go ahead and observe/feel your anxiety without identifying with it: "I am feeling anxiety" vs. "OMG I feel so anxious"; take some time to just breathe, go outside for a walk or bike ride).

I'm pretty sure that most/all of it is situational in some way--I'm majorly broke, which is making me a burden on Shawn; I really need to look for work but I don't even know where to start, I can't decide if I want to go back to school or not, and on and on and on. There's more, but not stuff I want to post publicly.

I'm half convinced that the generic of Wellbutrin XL that Costco switched to, two months ago, doesn't work worth shit. There was a time that they switched brands of generic Adderall and it hardly did anything, so it's in the realm of possibility.

Either way, I'm calling my psych nurse after I leave the library to see if maybe I should be on a different med or something. Maybe I'll end up on an SSRI. Oh god, that would suck. But jesus, it's gotta be better than feeling like this.

I feel really embarrassed posting this kind of stuff, to be honest, but being ashamed of how shitty I feel just makes it worse, so I'm trying not to give in to that.

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aprilstarchild

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