aprilstarchild (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
aprilstarchild) wrote2009-06-15 11:18 pm
aprilstarchild) wrote2009-06-15 11:18 pm
A trip down memory lane, good news, bad news
I looked at the post I made the day after my first time doing any Pedalpalooza events: The first Bike Porn event (in 2007! I'd been riding the Raleigh here and there for about a year) and the Midnight Mystery Ride after:
All told, I think after the whole night, that I am suddenly a lot more fond of my bicycle and riding. Something that really got through during the Bike Porn stuff and the Mystery Ride, is that bicycles aren't just transportation, and they aren't just a non-polluting alternative to cars. There's something to just appreciating how awesome bikes are--the feeling of whooping downhill, the satisfaction of getting to the top of a hill. The feeling of getting from point A to point B all on your own assisted power. The glee of zipping by stopped car traffic. Bicycles are aesthetically pleasing all on their own (although no, I don't have the urge to make love to mine in any sense). And being around that many other people who are nuts about bikes too is mega-fun.
...
Oh, and most of all? I LOVE PORTLAND.
Good News: Job interview tomorrow in NW for a medical reception job at women's clinic, and then I have the rest of the day off from working. Oh god, I hope I get this. Also, I might get Wednesday off for Shawn's ride.
Bad News: I'm officially down to one rat. I had to take Sammy in to DoveLewis to get put down, as I noticed last night that her tumor had an abscess. I didn't notice it before because she was getting around just fine and didn't seem to be in any pain. There's no way that abscess didn't hurt, and now I feel really guilty.
The people at DoveLewis animal hospital were awesome, even if the guy who took my paperwork etc. was nice in that sugary kind of way that can be irritating. They have a separate room for people who are there to have animals euthanized, and you can leave through a side door if you don't want to walk through the lobby when you're upset. They also give you a little book/journal for people grieving for a pet, and a brochure for their pet grief group. I didn't really need those things, but maybe someone I know will...
I surprised myself by crying. I think it was a combination of a few things--knowing that Pippin is now alone, knowing I won't be adopting any more rats for a while (I'm just not home enough, and I can't afford the inevitable vet bills), guilt over knowing Sammy's been in pain, realizing that I might agree with the people who lost their first rats and decided they couldn't deal with loving animals who just don't live very long. I had the tissue near Sammy while we waited, and she tried to grab it for nesting, and it was so cute and sweet it was heartbreaking and I just sobbed for a minute.
I'm pretty convinced that Bluebell died of grief after her sister Pinky went--she just stopped eating. I worry the same will happen to Pippin. I gotta make sure I give her love as often as possible. The poor thing is probably confused right now. I think tomorrow I'll move her into the smaller cage...there's no reason for her to live in a cage meant for four rats.
All told, I think after the whole night, that I am suddenly a lot more fond of my bicycle and riding. Something that really got through during the Bike Porn stuff and the Mystery Ride, is that bicycles aren't just transportation, and they aren't just a non-polluting alternative to cars. There's something to just appreciating how awesome bikes are--the feeling of whooping downhill, the satisfaction of getting to the top of a hill. The feeling of getting from point A to point B all on your own assisted power. The glee of zipping by stopped car traffic. Bicycles are aesthetically pleasing all on their own (although no, I don't have the urge to make love to mine in any sense). And being around that many other people who are nuts about bikes too is mega-fun.
...
Oh, and most of all? I LOVE PORTLAND.
Good News: Job interview tomorrow in NW for a medical reception job at women's clinic, and then I have the rest of the day off from working. Oh god, I hope I get this. Also, I might get Wednesday off for Shawn's ride.
Bad News: I'm officially down to one rat. I had to take Sammy in to DoveLewis to get put down, as I noticed last night that her tumor had an abscess. I didn't notice it before because she was getting around just fine and didn't seem to be in any pain. There's no way that abscess didn't hurt, and now I feel really guilty.
The people at DoveLewis animal hospital were awesome, even if the guy who took my paperwork etc. was nice in that sugary kind of way that can be irritating. They have a separate room for people who are there to have animals euthanized, and you can leave through a side door if you don't want to walk through the lobby when you're upset. They also give you a little book/journal for people grieving for a pet, and a brochure for their pet grief group. I didn't really need those things, but maybe someone I know will...
I surprised myself by crying. I think it was a combination of a few things--knowing that Pippin is now alone, knowing I won't be adopting any more rats for a while (I'm just not home enough, and I can't afford the inevitable vet bills), guilt over knowing Sammy's been in pain, realizing that I might agree with the people who lost their first rats and decided they couldn't deal with loving animals who just don't live very long. I had the tissue near Sammy while we waited, and she tried to grab it for nesting, and it was so cute and sweet it was heartbreaking and I just sobbed for a minute.
I'm pretty convinced that Bluebell died of grief after her sister Pinky went--she just stopped eating. I worry the same will happen to Pippin. I gotta make sure I give her love as often as possible. The poor thing is probably confused right now. I think tomorrow I'll move her into the smaller cage...there's no reason for her to live in a cage meant for four rats.
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If you can't get a friend for Pippin, maybe there's someone else with rats who'd like to ... er ... borrow or lease her or something, so she won't be lonely? There must be a rat group on LJ. *looks* Here we go:
Lovely post about bikes. Thanks. And good luck with the job interview. I like the idea of being a receptionist. Might look for a receptionist job myself when I'm unemployed (which is in like 2 weeks ... eek).
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:(
I cry my fool head off any time I have to have a kiddo PTS.
I've lost ten of my rattie family in the time I've kept rats and it never gets easier. I just have a better idea of when to fight and when to help them go now. I don't fight pituitary tumors anymore. My kids who get them are old and the meds only help so long with brain tumors. I'm much more apt to help them leave, even when it's hard on me.
It's the only thing that sucks about being a staunch atheist for me. Knowing that they are gone, for real. The idea of heaven is nice and whenever my heart is being broken and one of my much loved friends leaves I find myself thinking about how comforting it must be for other people. But I don't believe it and it's just false, cold comfort to me... so I just have to let the grief (and inevitable guilt) wash over me and deal with the ache as best I can. It lessens but never leaves, I've found.
I'm so so sorry.
Scritches to little Pippin.
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*lace hankie*
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