My weight

[aprilstarchild]

When I graduated high school I was 115lbs. Skinny but not sick-looking (my mom at that age, and an inch taller, was 105lbs and hated it). Over time (especially when I got on the pill) I gained weight, which didn't bother me except when it meant I had to buy new clothes. It wasn't a significant amount, though. The summer of '02 is when I weighed the most, at almost 130. Looking back at pictures I took that summer, bleh. Extra weight doesn't look right on me. Other people I know would look weird if they were skinny--they were meant to be more curvy. I am not one of them.

In any case, from what I assume is a combination of Adderall's appetite-supressing effects, becoming vegan, and trying to cook most of my food instead of eating out, I'm down to 117. A large portion of my pants are now too big. I'm fitting smaller sizes--though not junior clothes, what weight I've got is in different places than it was when I was 17. I still couldn't zip up the 517's I wore back then--my ass wouldn't fit into them.

And now I'm upping my Adderall dose, with the possibility of knocking it up to 30mgs in a month. I do not want to lose any more weight. First of all, I think I would be crossing over into unhealthy. Secondly, since there's very little tummy left on me (where me and my mom tend to gain weight), it would come from places where, really, I rather it stayed. *lol*

I've been glad to have hour-long lunches. I tend to not be hungry (in an "I want the taste of food" sense) but know that I should eat, and it takes me forever to eat anything. It can take me half an hour to eat a peanut butter sandwich. I find myself sneaking calories into places--putting tahini and/or margarine in my oatmeal, lots of peanut butter or hummus and sprouts sandwiches on really dense bread. Olive oil in dang near everything.

I need to buy some food bars to eat on my breaks and keep in my purse. Too often I don't eat anything because I forget to plan ahead what I'm going to be eating, and find myself somewhere without anything to eat and not wanting to spend money, or not having any to spend, or not even having time to stop somewhere.

And at the same time, I'm trying to cut down on my sugar consumption. When I wait too long to eat, I crave sugary things, and if I eat them I get a sugar rush and then crash and then just want more sugar. Not productive.

On top of all of this, late-onset diabetes runs in my family. So I worry about getting heavy as I get older, because that's how my family ends up getting diabetes--it's like you hit a certain height/weight ratio and BOOM, you've got diabetes. My mom (who gained a not-insignificant amount of weight over time) saw her older sister get it and is trying to lose weight on Weight Watchers. When I told the MA about my family history before my doc appt, she wanted me to get my glucose measured or something. Eep.