(no subject)

Anxiety blows.

So does insomnia. I got like, three hours of sleep last night. And it wasn't all in one chunk.

Today I drank two red bulls just to stay awake and working. Which made my anxiety worse.

I'd go take a nap but I'm not sure I could sleep. I think I'm going to try anyway. I need to go to Freddy's to buy stuff for my trip and I need to finish my cloak and scotchguard it. Blargh.

I can't tell if it's situational anxiety or GAD (generalized anxiety disorder). I suppose I should see my doctor. I think my recent weight loss is due to my anxiety--it makes my stomach upset easily, and far too often. It makes the idea of eating nauseating.

Ironically, losing weight makes me anxious, and going without food makes me shaky. Hoo boy.

I'm just worried he'll try to take my off my Adderall. :-( Yes, amphetamines are contraindicated for anxiety...but if I can't concentrate, my life will suck far worse. He might take me off Wellbutrin, but I'm on Lexapro now anyway.

Goddamnit. This sucks.

Things that relieve my anxiety, even if only temporarily:

Talking things out with friends, especially axiom, sagcat, and mechalith.
Being around my friends and having a good time.
Chorus rehearsal--although my stress about missing rehearsals and forgetting to practice probably cancels that out.
Drinking, but that's not healthy.
Smoking, and that definitely isn't healthy either. I've been doing it more frequently recently (especially walking to and from the max) because it's like Insta-Calm.
Actually sleeping....as opposed to waking up over and over all damn night.
Walking through the nature park--I'm going to try to do this more frequently.

(no subject)

After reminding the other people going to Hecate's Sickle, not to wear cotton long underwear; I have discovered that my non-cotton long underwear is at Tyson's. *headslap*

I need to bribe Chris into driving me to Freddy's when he gets home at eight-thirty. I'm too shaky to walk. That, and it's dark and raining, which makes it really un-fun anyway.

So while I'm at Freddy's buying food and Scotchguard and an umbrella, I need to grab non-cotton long underwear. Hopefully they have some. Gaaah.

For those of you who don't know, cotton is pointless if you're going to be out when it's raining. The second it gets wet, you're toast. The phrase among tree-sitters is "cotton kills." I'm going to be wearing jeans over the long underwear because that's all I have (I wore wool pants from an army surplus store when I was tree-sitting), but my cape is pretty long anyway, and it's what's against the skin that matters the most.

I just drank the last of that powdered soy drink mix. When I've absorbed enough of the calories not to have shaky hands, I'll work on my cape.

(no subject)

Wooo. Ran to Freddy's. They only have long underwear in men's sizes. Ran to G.I. Joe's, and it was closed. Ran back to Freddy's. Bought men's long underwear pants and a misses' Columbia Sportswear top. I should be fine, clothing wise.

I'm trying to think back to Autumn War just over a year ago. I wore long underwear. Over that, a cotton chemise. Over that, a cotton tunic. Over that, a knee-length wool poncho (made out of Pendleton blanket material) with a hood. I was plenty warm, and it poured and poured all weekend. I don't remember how cold and/or windy it was, though.

I need to grab a hat and scarf and gloves. They'll all be borrowed from my parents. Oh well.

I feel a little less like a chicken with its head cut off, but I still have to shove it all into my backpack and bag. Oy vey. I'll probably do that tomorrow morning. I have a nice detailed list.

Also bringing cookies and hummus and sesame crackers.

I finished the cape. I didn't follow the directions near the end exactly, because I thought they were stupid. I'm opinionated like that. Hell, I didn't even slipstitch the opening I used to turn it right-side out. I just carefully folded it the same amount as the rest, pinned it down, and topstitched it along with the rest of the edge, hood and all. The hood is ....odd. It's huge, so I have a feeling it won't really stay on my head. The hat will probably help. Assuming I find one. I didn't do that great a job of sewing on the hook and eye. It doesn't help that I loathe handsewing. In retrospect I coulda just bought some of the grommets you put in with a hammer, put one in each side, and just tied a good strong ribbon through it. Or something.

The cape isn't perfect. But I haven't sewn much. I can't remember the last time I finished something--no, wait. I sewed the green skirt I wear to pirate/SCA stuff. That was damn easy--it's basically a really wide tube with two hems, one containing elastic. There weren't even any curves.

I also won't have a chance to waterproof the cape. But it's been my experience that wool is relatively water-resistant to start with. Even if it gets soaked and weighs eight gazillion pounds it'll still keep you damn warm.

For now, I collapse into bed. Get up at six thirty, eat, take a shower, pack everything up, wait for dragon_mintz to come get me.

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Side note: I make freaky lists for packing to go camping etc. I list really obvious stuff, like a toothbrush, or underwear; because if it's not written down I'll forget it. Almost guaranteed.